Lately I've found myself thinking "Ryoji would want me to do this" and "Ryoji would think that". He'd want me to be happy, so I'm smiling as much as I can. He'd want me to be happy, so I'm trying to move on. But...how much of it is me actually trying for myself, and how much is it me clinging to his memory? I'm worried that I might be chasing his ghost at this rate.
[prompto has never had anyone in his life die. not anyone he's particularly close with, anyway. his father left him, his mother basically neglected him; he knows what chasing after the idea of someone is like. he's not sure it's the same.]
[the closest he's come to that feeling is when noctis was in a coma for months and months, when prompto first found him that winter night, on the floor and so, so cold. from this he does understand that idea, of chasing a ghost; of wanting to be happy, of pushing himself to keep smiling and act as if things were normal, for someone else's sake, for noctis' sake, despite the fact that inside--if he really stopped to consider--he was hurting and so, so lonely.]
[clinging to a memory...]
[rufus returns with the ball, koromaru close in tow, catching on to the game of fetch. he throws it again, and both dogs run.]
He wouldn't want you to bottle things up just so you can continue trying to be happy. I know people say 'fake it until you make it,' but when there's... sadness inside, it's hard to do that.
[he turns to her slightly]
You don't need to come up with answers for those questions now.
Some days, I want to work myself to the bone so I forget he's gone. Other days, I want to stay in bed and shut out everything...not do anything. [She breathes out a sigh.] Those days scare me the most, because it's so unlike me. Overworking myself isn't good either, but...that's how I've done things my whole life anyways, so it feels normal.
[prompto gets it. the wanting to stay in bed and shut everything out. he's been there; it's not healthy, it feels worse, it feels stagnating, and it makes everything that much more miserable. but that's somehow a necessary part of healing.]
...silence can be cathartic. You may work yourself to the bone and still feel like the pain just intensifies. You gotta give yourself time. There's no manual to this sort of thing, but... Being sad is okay, too.
[her free hand, prompto takes in his and gives it a light squeeze.]
Yeah.
[he replies quietly, turning his attention back to koromaru who returned with the ball this time. he throws it again, and the dogs run. he turns back to look at minako, keeping an eye on her.]
[things will be okay, is what he thinks. it just takes time.]
no subject
Lately I've found myself thinking "Ryoji would want me to do this" and "Ryoji would think that". He'd want me to be happy, so I'm smiling as much as I can. He'd want me to be happy, so I'm trying to move on. But...how much of it is me actually trying for myself, and how much is it me clinging to his memory? I'm worried that I might be chasing his ghost at this rate.
no subject
[the closest he's come to that feeling is when noctis was in a coma for months and months, when prompto first found him that winter night, on the floor and so, so cold. from this he does understand that idea, of chasing a ghost; of wanting to be happy, of pushing himself to keep smiling and act as if things were normal, for someone else's sake, for noctis' sake, despite the fact that inside--if he really stopped to consider--he was hurting and so, so lonely.]
[clinging to a memory...]
[rufus returns with the ball, koromaru close in tow, catching on to the game of fetch. he throws it again, and both dogs run.]
He wouldn't want you to bottle things up just so you can continue trying to be happy. I know people say 'fake it until you make it,' but when there's... sadness inside, it's hard to do that.
[he turns to her slightly]
You don't need to come up with answers for those questions now.
no subject
I don't know what I should do in the meantime, though. Not...that I expect you to have an answer for that, but. It's the truth.
no subject
Then don't do anything. You don't owe it to anyone. You owe yourself in taking things at whatever pace you feel most comfortable.
no subject
no subject
...silence can be cathartic. You may work yourself to the bone and still feel like the pain just intensifies. You gotta give yourself time. There's no manual to this sort of thing, but... Being sad is okay, too.
no subject
Then...can we just stand here for a little while? Without talking.
no subject
Yeah.
[he replies quietly, turning his attention back to koromaru who returned with the ball this time. he throws it again, and the dogs run. he turns back to look at minako, keeping an eye on her.]
[things will be okay, is what he thinks. it just takes time.]