you know no offense but this sounds a lot like the guidance counselor at school asking how i was fitting in because my parents missed parent's night three times in a row
i'm doing ok ig? working, sleeping, the rave was pretty neat ho..w about you?
That's a very specific example, but I'm not sure how it applies. I'm neither your parent nor am I concerned about your schooling. It was a roundabout way of asking how you're doing.
I'm well, though, and I'm glad to hear you are too.
It can be difficult to acclimate and sometimes it's comforting to hear that you're not alone.
Well, I do think you seem more out of sorts than the others did when they arrived and I met a great deal of them. The revelations you came to before arriving are clearly making your transition harder than it would be normally.
I understand. I'm sorry if I've made myself out to be someone you have to push back against, but if you're disinclined to discuss yourself then we can discuss a mutual issue.
You're one of Noctis' guards, aren't you? That's what he tells me.
You said you wanted to take your time with the information you received about your background as an MT. It's been some time now and it's causing both you and Noctis a great deal of stress. While I don't know you as well and can't speak to your goals where omitting the truth is concerned, you're his friend and protector.
Keeping this kind of information from him will put strain on your relationship, which puzzles me - maybe I don't fully grasp the intricacies of human relationships, but I can't imagine you'd actively want that.
(connor knows he runs the risk of earning himself scorn from both prompto and noctis, meddling in business that distantly involves him — only in the sense that he's gotten to be good friends with the king —, but he's always been brutally honest. everything's better aired out.
everything.)
I owe him a great deal; he's been very kind to me. So I suggest you tell him very soon, Prompto, or I will.
Noctis talks about you all the time, Prompto; he's your best friend. Of course he's hurting.
Even if he was a good liar, it wouldn't be difficult for me to tell. It's my job to know what people are hiding and he's hiding how impactful your silence has been. Why won't you speak with him and tell him the truth?
Just now you told me that yours is a friendship first and a duty second. That alone tells me that the trust you have in him is profound - enough to give you the answer to your own question.
Think about the moments you two have shared together, all of the years of time you've both put into each other.
He couldn't hate you and you know that. He is on your side, Prompto. You are his friend first; everything else is second.
he threw me off the train he blamed for all the things that had happened that i had been following around and making things worse
[years of friendship, of a quiet feeling of belonging blossoming so tenderly in his chest; a feeling torn to shreds in that moment--of being left behind, of the uncertainty that he'd ever get to see the guys again.]
[it had been so, so cold.]
[but isn't that just the thing? that he'd keep on, despite the odds? to see noctis again, one more time, even if it meant never seeing each other again. even if it meant -- being stripped from any sort of worth.]
...we finally got a flat so we don't have to stay at the safehouse so much anymore i thought.. if i could just pretend nothing had happened it could be like before
[noctis deserves more than that. it's always been that way: prompto would do anything for noctis's sake.]
impossible. connor's mind immediately rejects the idea, calling him back to a desperate moment they shared one long month ago. an event that seems like it was yesterday, regrets still lingering despite the reassurances of the people he hurt that it wasn't his fault, he didn't have any control over what he was doing, he never would've made the choice to cause them pain if the infection hadn't taken him over — noctis among them.
noctis, who pinned him to the ground and sacrificed himself for him. all to make him feel better about the situation while shoving his own suffering to the back-burner.
"Not alive? This is alive, you're alive! Why the hell would I care if you're a machine? I-I..."
noctis, who promised him he'd take care of him then and after. who helped him drag his broken body off of the ground while blood beaded off his fingertips onto the dye-drowned floor of a textile warehouse, face wet with tears because he didn't think he could do it. and still did, against every odd.
"I'll protect you. You have my word... okay? You stick around... and I'll keep you safe from now on."
noctis, shoving best friend off of a train? blaming him for all of the problems he has to shoulder? accusing prompto of being a burden?)
That's ludicrous.
You aren't even giving him a chance, huh? Is that what kind of person you are, Prompto? I've only known Noctis for months and can't believe he'd even consider doing such cruel things to you. You've know him for over a decade and can?
[he doesn't like the way connor is talking to him.]
[there's something hot and cold about it, which he can't quite... place his finger on. the way he seems to boast about such a recent acquaintance and pushes prompto down like his own feelings matter very little in the grand scheme of things.]
five years and some change not a decade
[because prompto doesn't consider actually knowing noctis until their fifteenth birthday. and, besides, whatever he can grasp in order to feel like connor isn't correct in everything.]
you're
[prompto wants to say so much but doesn't find the words to spell anything out]
Five years, thank you for clarifying. That's five years you've spent trusting one another, only for that to suddenly hit a wall because you can't accept what you are - something that's in no way his fault. He'll sit through this odd form of punishment for you, though, because that's who he is.
I'm am sorry, Prompto. I understand how difficult it is to face yourself at your ugliest, but you can't keep him waiting over something that you'll struggle with for years. Do you understand?
[connor doesn't understand that the burden is not just of his own reckoning, of accepting who he is. but, at the same time, prompto hasn't shared that it entails the death of a beloved friend and the permanent injury of someone who is like a brother to noctis. there is truth in these words, but something feels off.]
alright i get it already
[it's not giving him a chance to -- bear with his own misery (which is probably for the best), but it also feels invasive, somehow. connor's words are not unkind, but they're not kind, either, towards prompto's own issues.]
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meadowlark ic contact 〉
@connor.resnik
(nOOOOOOOOOOOOO)
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hey sup what's good
[he can't even grammar]
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(um, dogs? cheesecake? putting on warm clothes straight out of the drier? c'mon, man.)
How are you fitting in?
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i'm doing ok ig? working, sleeping, the rave was pretty neat
ho..w about you?
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I'm well, though, and I'm glad to hear you are too.
It can be difficult to acclimate and sometimes it's comforting to hear that you're not alone.
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i mean like..not asking about my grades or parents just how i was feeling and if things were ok wi
nvm that's not what u wanna talk about
do you think i need to be comforted or..?
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Well, I do think you seem more out of sorts than the others did when they arrived and I met a great deal of them. The revelations you came to before arriving are clearly making your transition harder than it would be normally.
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i'm doing everything we're expected to be doing
i feel fine honestly
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So I don't think you're telling me, an acquaintance, the honest truth either.
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like, if i am or am not doing ok, whatever i choose to share is my choice
dunno why you'd bring up noct
[are you trying to tell him how to bff]
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You're one of Noctis' guards, aren't you? That's what he tells me.
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[...prompto has a sinking feeling.]
we're friends first but yeah i joined the crownsguard
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Keeping this kind of information from him will put strain on your relationship, which puzzles me - maybe I don't fully grasp the intricacies of human relationships, but I can't imagine you'd actively want that.
(connor knows he runs the risk of earning himself scorn from both prompto and noctis, meddling in business that distantly involves him — only in the sense that he's gotten to be good friends with the king —, but he's always been brutally honest. everything's better aired out.
everything.)
I owe him a great deal; he's been very kind to me. So I suggest you tell him very soon, Prompto, or I will.
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this is none of your business connor and you know that
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He's hurting and I'll do what I can to stop that. Out of respect to you and your relationship with him, I'd like to give you a head start.
(for connor, the end always justifies the means.)
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Even if he was a good liar, it wouldn't be difficult for me to tell. It's my job to know what people are hiding and he's hiding how impactful your silence has been. Why won't you speak with him and tell him the truth?
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[he hates to be the reason why noctis hurts, but at the same time it's so -- so scary.]
i don't want him to hate me
connor what if he hates me after i tell him
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Think about the moments you two have shared together, all of the years of time you've both put into each other.
He couldn't hate you and you know that. He is on your side, Prompto. You are his friend first; everything else is second.
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he blamed for all the things that had happened
that i had been following around and making things worse
[years of friendship, of a quiet feeling of belonging blossoming so tenderly in his chest; a feeling torn to shreds in that moment--of being left behind, of the uncertainty that he'd ever get to see the guys again.]
[it had been so, so cold.]
[but isn't that just the thing? that he'd keep on, despite the odds? to see noctis again, one more time, even if it meant never seeing each other again. even if it meant -- being stripped from any sort of worth.]
...we finally got a flat so we don't have to stay at the safehouse so much anymore
i thought.. if i could just pretend nothing had happened
it could be like before
[noctis deserves more than that. it's always been that way: prompto would do anything for noctis's sake.]
idek how to bring it up
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impossible. connor's mind immediately rejects the idea, calling him back to a desperate moment they shared one long month ago. an event that seems like it was yesterday, regrets still lingering despite the reassurances of the people he hurt that it wasn't his fault, he didn't have any control over what he was doing, he never would've made the choice to cause them pain if the infection hadn't taken him over — noctis among them.
noctis, who pinned him to the ground and sacrificed himself for him. all to make him feel better about the situation while shoving his own suffering to the back-burner.
"Not alive? This is alive, you're alive! Why the hell would I care if you're a machine? I-I..."
noctis, who promised him he'd take care of him then and after. who helped him drag his broken body off of the ground while blood beaded off his fingertips onto the dye-drowned floor of a textile warehouse, face wet with tears because he didn't think he could do it. and still did, against every odd.
"I'll protect you. You have my word... okay? You stick around... and I'll keep you safe from now on."
noctis, shoving best friend off of a train? blaming him for all of the problems he has to shoulder? accusing prompto of being a burden?)
That's ludicrous.
You aren't even giving him a chance, huh? Is that what kind of person you are, Prompto? I've only known Noctis for months and can't believe he'd even consider doing such cruel things to you. You've know him for over a decade and can?
He doesn't deserve this.
I'm giving you 24 hours to comply.
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[there's something hot and cold about it, which he can't quite... place his finger on. the way he seems to boast about such a recent acquaintance and pushes prompto down like his own feelings matter very little in the grand scheme of things.]
five years and some change not a decade
[because prompto doesn't consider actually knowing noctis until their fifteenth birthday. and, besides, whatever he can grasp in order to feel like connor isn't correct in everything.]
you're
[prompto wants to say so much but doesn't find the words to spell anything out]
nvm
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I'm am sorry, Prompto. I understand how difficult it is to face yourself at your ugliest, but you can't keep him waiting over something that you'll struggle with for years. Do you understand?
It's not fair.
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alright i get it already
[it's not giving him a chance to -- bear with his own misery (which is probably for the best), but it also feels invasive, somehow. connor's words are not unkind, but they're not kind, either, towards prompto's own issues.]
[but he gets it, and maybe that's enough.]
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I hope the next time we speak, it's on better, easier terms. Goodbye.