[ Noctis actually has to reread that message once, twice, three times to make sure he's not missing something here. ]
What??
Are you serious? Pretend you're me, how am I supposed to feel rn? ofc I'm gonna think something happened with you if you say it like that, if I make it my mission then that's my choice, Prompto
[he hates the turn of tone their conversation has taken. prompto wonders if he should keep answering at all, but he can't do this to noctis. it's like he's on the verge of doing or saying something really stupid and fucking everything up. there's just so many webs he can twist before his lies start to become so transparent and obvious.]
how do you think i feel??
[he sends that without really meaning to, but now it's there.]
nvm just i punched him and he punched me back but that's to be expected
[ His head's pounding, stress starting to mount again along with a temper he normally reserves primarily for Gladio and only occasionally for Ignis. But Prompto? Almost never. ]
So tell me! Ofc I wanna know how you feel but you aren't telling me stuff, even from when you first showed up. What's going on?
No don't do this again, don't just change the subject and ignore me
you wanna tell me that I apparently attacked you and that's cool but all the other shit I'm gonna go through is too much for me? After all the shit we've been through already?
[ It's not a fair blow and he knows that, but what part of this situation is fair? ]
You're making decisions about my life for me now too? Prompto I can't handle any of this shit if I don't even get to know what it is, this is my life
[he actually has to stop, out in the streets, in this city with bright colors and unfamiliar paths.]
[there's something so gut wrenching about what he thinks of typing up and sending; forehead pressed against the wall of the alley he's found refuge in, waiting for a response. this isn't fair--this isn't what he wants.]
there's..not going to be a best friend if i tell you
[ Reading that? Is like a slap in the face. It instills dread, anger, worry, and sadness in some confusing whorl that sinks deep into his core and for a moment he has no idea what to say. What has Prompto done? What has he done? Does Prompto seriously think that he would abandon him, no matter what it was? What the hell are the implications of that, on top of everything else? How much is he suffering with this? ]
[gods, this is so... shitty. prompto's gonna panic all the way until he gets brave enough to push his heavy feet into the safehouse.]
[by the time he does, it'll be pretty late -- into the wee hours of the morning, and when the city that doesn't sleep seems to take a lull in its many activities. prompto decidedly doesn't want to have this talk, but noctis's pleas to stop running away from him (please) and connor's not to subtle threat/encouragement is the only thing running in his veins from keeping him frozen solid far away from his best friend.]
[and so prompto walks in, quietly, and looks around the safehouse. most everyone is asleep--the place settled down--and it takes little to find noctis and ignis. the both of them are at a corner, having taken a few of the beds as their own; but although the older man sleeps off whatever drugs are in his system, noctis sits and appears alert. it's so strange to see it happen... and prompto wonders if he's using his own power to keep himself awake.]
[...prompto takes a seat on one of the beds, across from the two, and keeps quiet for a hot minute before looking up.]
Sorry, I --
[almost pussied out?]
[he sighs and looks down again, a bruise on his cheek blooming from where ardyn retaliated his punch; the shape of a hand closing in around his neck, too.]
Has he been sleeping a while?
[keeping his voice down, he ventures to ask about ignis. it brings him relief to see his face, unmarred, his chest rising in show of deep sleep.]
[ His eyes are wholly fixed on Ignis just as they have been for the past half an hour, taking the time to see to it that he was at least fed and given water before Noctis had aided in his loss of consciousness. A careful touch to his forehead, an application of his power, and his already tapped-out adviser was quick to succumb to his own need for rest.
Which leaves Noctis to think.
Think about his talk with Prompto, think about what new burdens Ardyn had placed upon him, think about everything. How they're trapped here. What they've been through back home. What he's done, what he should do -- the importance of being a friend and a brother, the importance of being a leader and a ruler. But... he's still missing pieces of the puzzle, and the person who holds at least a few of them walks in with his head down. Noctis knows he's not much more eager for this than he is. ]
Yeah. He won't get up any time soon. [ His voice sounds tired in a way that isn't physical, but even a second after Prompto sits he's standing. ]
We should leave him to it, still. [ Eyes narrow as he hones in on the bruises, swallowing thickly. ] ... okay?
[he says, eyes still fixed on ignis's face. it's -- so strange. like being displaced. a different reality versus his own. he wonders if they're all from different parallel worlds, or if it doesn't work like that? the physics and laws of this universe are so beyond his understanding, and he's starting to wonder if the astrals can hear their prayers at all.]
[it takes him a moment, though, before he's standing, too, helping himself up by putting hands to his knees and pushing.]
I found the fire escape to the supermarket. Wanna head up there?
[reminiscent, perhaps, of a conversation they had what feels ages ago, atop a motel on the side of the road.]
[ It's hard for his own eyes to leave Ignis, as hard as it is for them to leave Prompto once they change their focus. His concern's obvious for both of them in spite of worse experiences together, well aware that Ignis has suffered more debilitating poisons or fits of confusion and Prompto has gotten more serious bruises. Even still, it's hard to shake right now. ]
Ah... yeah, sounds good. [ So he trails after him as Prompto leads the way, navigating the hallways, rooms, and a short stairwell in silence that doesn't suit them. It's only when they hit muggy, hot air that he's willing to speak up. ]
[the muggy air has become the new norm, a lot like lestallum during the day. prompto embraces it as much as he's embraced sleeping without blankets or on the floor to keep cool. and yet it manages to make things so much more uncomfortable -- this silence between them.]
[his reply is calm even if his hands shake so much he has to actually shove them inside his pockets.]
Enough for it to be alarming.
[is what he manages, but it's neither telling nor saying nothing. he walks towards the back of the abandoned supermarket, kicks at the broken fence, and makes his way through before walking the short distance towards the forgotten ladder, sitting pretty. it looks like it might give way, but prompto's confident it'll hold.]
[he holds onto a bar, pulling himself up, fully aware that he's leading them both to a location where he can't run away from saying his peace.]
[at the top, he waits to see if noctis needs help the last couple of steps. his mouth feels dry and his tongue heavy, though, and it's like the words don't want to come out--since so many want to come out.]
Sorry. [it's a good place to start] I've... been a pretty shitty friend about all this.
[ The shudder in those fingers doesn't go by unnoticed but Noctis is kind enough not to comment, brow furrowing instead as Prompto answers but then keeps moving. This is far enough, he wants to say, half-tempted to stay close to Ignis solely because of how recently he's dealt with Ardyn, but... if they're continuing onward, there's a reason. It's something Prompto needs and he's not about to deny him that, not with how hard this is already going to be.
Climbing the ladder one-handed isn't easy but he manages, palm helping to hoist him up the last rung so that he can stand next to him, equal. ]
... listen, I...
I wasn't trying to snap; it's not like either of us got lessons on how to handle stuff like this. I dunno is there's a "right" way... I just know I want to hear what you have to say.
[noctis is cutting straight to the point, and prompto can't help the nervous smile that flickers onto his expression rather suddenly. it's how he tries to cope with how bad he does not want to do this.]
Let's do this, then.
[he doesn't make it very far from where they climbed, taking a few short steps towards the railing and sitting down on the edge, his back facing the rest of the shiny city (his feet feel like lead, this is as far as he can go).]
Y'might... wanna sit down for it.
[is the only thing he manages, but whether noctis actually does or stays standing, he doesn't know, because he's lowered his face and is keeping his eyes on the bandages he so stubbornly keeps around his right wrist.]
[he cannot tell noctis about altissia; that'd be -- too much. there has to be another way to break the news, and it's something he might not want to do by himself. he's been thinking about how, maybe, he could talk about it with ignis first. the man is a lot more composed about delivering terrible news and, besides, he doesn't have the heart to say any of it out loud to noctis--to noctis, who would ask for a hundred details that prompto isn't privy to.]
...when we got on the train to Tenebrae, I went looking for you cuz I saw this huge snow cloud out in the distance while taking pictures. We'd never seen anything like it. You stood up and then ... you tried to punch me, asking me what the hell I was doing there. [he remembers the fight so clearly, even if it happened a long time ago. he's been replaying it in his head constantly, willingly and not, as part of an amalgamation of nightmares when he sleeps.] You chased me down, slashed your sword at me.
[are you seriously trying to kill me? why wouldn't i? what're you after, following me around, this whole time? it's all your fault--]
[he shakes his head]
That much I've told you. I had Ardyn at gunpoint, on top of the train, but you swung your sword at me instead and I fell. [a shaky breath] I thought if I kept following the tracks I'd make it to Gralea and meet you guys there, even though, I didn't know if you'd... You'd be okay with that-- Niflheim is a frozen tundra, y'know? [he remembers how terrible it felt, to be so cold he lost consciousness, even as he saw the imperial soldiers drop from their ships.]
[he pauses, wanting to preface something before he gets into the real meat of this godsawful thing he found out about in the research facilities.]
All I ever wanted was friends, but no one... ever wanted me back. So when I found people who did want me--you, Gladio, Iggy... I did everything I could to make you stay. And [swallowing] ever since I've lived with one fear, a fear that you'd -- find out who I really was, and you wouldn't want me anymore.
[he squeezes his eyes shut and rubs at his eyes hard with the palm of his hand.]
...but it's even worse than that. So much worse.
[keeping his hand there, he takes another shaky breath and continues]
Imperial soldiers found me and took me into a place that I know now was a Magitek production facility. Verstael Besithia. He -- [an abrupt pause and change of direction.] Ardyn was there. Called it 'home sweet home.' [a humorless laugh as he shrinks some more onto himself] Had to walk through the entire place until I reached a lab. Climbed down the stairs, into a room with -- tubes, people inside, totally out of a horror video game.
[this is as much as he can go without thinking too much about it. his hands are trembling uncontrollably now, and his voice is shaking, as he forces himself to keep on.]
I -- shot Besithia. He looked out of his mind. He... said things, things... things like, I--
[he doesn't know if anything that he's said is making any sense at all, but he's clearly real fucking shaken by it. the words stick to his tongue and he can't make them come out. the real meat of the matter--what really frightens him. he's had to deal with it by himself for all these weeks, it's just so hard.]
[ Noctis takes a moment or two to decide to take Prompto up on his offer to sit, unsure of what could possibly be coming after what he'd heard earlier from Ardyn. Is it something related? Would Prompto think that Noctis would judge him for keeping it secret?
No, it seems like more than that, something far more personal and his mind can't work to even supply a hint any longer.
He eases himself down, back against the adjacent wall with enough distance left between them to hopefully keep his friend comfortable. He can't remember ever having seen Prompto so rattled before and it tugs at his chest painfully, wanting to tell him that it's okay to keep lying if it'll ease this discomfort but they both know that's not the case.
It'll only get worse now that it's partly in the open.
He flinches when Prompto begins with a description of his actions on that train again, jaw locking but he doesn't interrupt in spite of the wave of guilt that might make him want to. The train, the trip into Niflheim... Then he says something that catches his attention, head lifting.
I've lived with one fear, a fear that you'd -- find out who I really was, and you wouldn't want me anymore. ]
Prompto-- [ He bites his tongue quieting again even if he shakes his head. ]
If you shot him then you did what you had to do. It's not the first time one of us has had to do something like that, okay? And whatever the rest is, just... Just tell me, okay? I know you don't want to, but I'm not going anywhere.
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no subject
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[at least he can say that the he has...because of the punch and strangling attempt?]
however i answer this you're gonna make it your mission to do sth about it
don't trust him or the things he says
that's all i'm saying
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What??
Are you serious? Pretend you're me, how am I supposed to feel rn? ofc I'm gonna think something happened with you if you say it like that, if I make it my mission then that's my choice, Prompto
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how do you think i feel??
[he sends that without really meaning to, but now it's there.]
nvm
just
i punched him and he punched me back but that's to be expected
no subject
So tell me! Ofc I wanna know how you feel but you aren't telling me stuff, even from when you first showed up. What's going on?
No don't do this again, don't just change the subject and ignore me
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[sorry, buddy]
shit
do you think i like keeping all this from you?
i just can't do it
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you wanna tell me that I apparently attacked you and that's cool but all the other shit I'm gonna go through is too much for me? After all the shit we've been through already?
[ It's not a fair blow and he knows that, but what part of this situation is fair? ]
You're making decisions about my life for me now too? Prompto I can't handle any of this shit if I don't even get to know what it is, this is my life
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you haven't experienced it and neither has ignis from what it sounds like
there's no reason why you should worry about it
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[there's something so gut wrenching about what he thinks of typing up and sending; forehead pressed against the wall of the alley he's found refuge in, waiting for a response. this isn't fair--this isn't what he wants.]
there's..not going to be a best friend if i tell you
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Can we do this face to face
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but ignis
i have to
i should probably help the other people out
the new ones you know
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Please stop running away from me.
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sorry wh
where
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just..checking
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We can talk then.
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see ya later
[gods, this is so... shitty. prompto's gonna panic all the way until he gets brave enough to push his heavy feet into the safehouse.]
[by the time he does, it'll be pretty late -- into the wee hours of the morning, and when the city that doesn't sleep seems to take a lull in its many activities. prompto decidedly doesn't want to have this talk, but noctis's pleas to stop running away from him (please) and connor's not to subtle threat/encouragement is the only thing running in his veins from keeping him frozen solid far away from his best friend.]
[and so prompto walks in, quietly, and looks around the safehouse. most everyone is asleep--the place settled down--and it takes little to find noctis and ignis. the both of them are at a corner, having taken a few of the beds as their own; but although the older man sleeps off whatever drugs are in his system, noctis sits and appears alert. it's so strange to see it happen... and prompto wonders if he's using his own power to keep himself awake.]
[...prompto takes a seat on one of the beds, across from the two, and keeps quiet for a hot minute before looking up.]
Sorry, I --
[almost pussied out?]
[he sighs and looks down again, a bruise on his cheek blooming from where ardyn retaliated his punch; the shape of a hand closing in around his neck, too.]
Has he been sleeping a while?
[keeping his voice down, he ventures to ask about ignis. it brings him relief to see his face, unmarred, his chest rising in show of deep sleep.]
no subject
Which leaves Noctis to think.
Think about his talk with Prompto, think about what new burdens Ardyn had placed upon him, think about everything. How they're trapped here. What they've been through back home. What he's done, what he should do -- the importance of being a friend and a brother, the importance of being a leader and a ruler. But... he's still missing pieces of the puzzle, and the person who holds at least a few of them walks in with his head down. Noctis knows he's not much more eager for this than he is. ]
Yeah. He won't get up any time soon. [ His voice sounds tired in a way that isn't physical, but even a second after Prompto sits he's standing. ]
We should leave him to it, still. [ Eyes narrow as he hones in on the bruises, swallowing thickly. ] ... okay?
no subject
[he says, eyes still fixed on ignis's face. it's -- so strange. like being displaced. a different reality versus his own. he wonders if they're all from different parallel worlds, or if it doesn't work like that? the physics and laws of this universe are so beyond his understanding, and he's starting to wonder if the astrals can hear their prayers at all.]
[it takes him a moment, though, before he's standing, too, helping himself up by putting hands to his knees and pushing.]
I found the fire escape to the supermarket. Wanna head up there?
[reminiscent, perhaps, of a conversation they had what feels ages ago, atop a motel on the side of the road.]
no subject
Ah... yeah, sounds good. [ So he trails after him as Prompto leads the way, navigating the hallways, rooms, and a short stairwell in silence that doesn't suit them. It's only when they hit muggy, hot air that he's willing to speak up. ]
... how much don't I know that you do?
no subject
[his reply is calm even if his hands shake so much he has to actually shove them inside his pockets.]
Enough for it to be alarming.
[is what he manages, but it's neither telling nor saying nothing. he walks towards the back of the abandoned supermarket, kicks at the broken fence, and makes his way through before walking the short distance towards the forgotten ladder, sitting pretty. it looks like it might give way, but prompto's confident it'll hold.]
[he holds onto a bar, pulling himself up, fully aware that he's leading them both to a location where he can't run away from saying his peace.]
[at the top, he waits to see if noctis needs help the last couple of steps. his mouth feels dry and his tongue heavy, though, and it's like the words don't want to come out--since so many want to come out.]
Sorry. [it's a good place to start] I've... been a pretty shitty friend about all this.
no subject
Climbing the ladder one-handed isn't easy but he manages, palm helping to hoist him up the last rung so that he can stand next to him, equal. ]
... listen, I...
I wasn't trying to snap; it's not like either of us got lessons on how to handle stuff like this. I dunno is there's a "right" way... I just know I want to hear what you have to say.
Need to hear it, maybe.
no subject
Let's do this, then.
[he doesn't make it very far from where they climbed, taking a few short steps towards the railing and sitting down on the edge, his back facing the rest of the shiny city (his feet feel like lead, this is as far as he can go).]
Y'might... wanna sit down for it.
[is the only thing he manages, but whether noctis actually does or stays standing, he doesn't know, because he's lowered his face and is keeping his eyes on the bandages he so stubbornly keeps around his right wrist.]
[he cannot tell noctis about altissia; that'd be -- too much. there has to be another way to break the news, and it's something he might not want to do by himself. he's been thinking about how, maybe, he could talk about it with ignis first. the man is a lot more composed about delivering terrible news and, besides, he doesn't have the heart to say any of it out loud to noctis--to noctis, who would ask for a hundred details that prompto isn't privy to.]
...when we got on the train to Tenebrae, I went looking for you cuz I saw this huge snow cloud out in the distance while taking pictures. We'd never seen anything like it. You stood up and then ... you tried to punch me, asking me what the hell I was doing there. [he remembers the fight so clearly, even if it happened a long time ago. he's been replaying it in his head constantly, willingly and not, as part of an amalgamation of nightmares when he sleeps.] You chased me down, slashed your sword at me.
[are you seriously trying to kill me? why wouldn't i? what're you after, following me around, this whole time? it's all your fault--]
[he shakes his head]
That much I've told you. I had Ardyn at gunpoint, on top of the train, but you swung your sword at me instead and I fell. [a shaky breath] I thought if I kept following the tracks I'd make it to Gralea and meet you guys there, even though, I didn't know if you'd... You'd be okay with that-- Niflheim is a frozen tundra, y'know? [he remembers how terrible it felt, to be so cold he lost consciousness, even as he saw the imperial soldiers drop from their ships.]
[he pauses, wanting to preface something before he gets into the real meat of this godsawful thing he found out about in the research facilities.]
All I ever wanted was friends, but no one... ever wanted me back. So when I found people who did want me--you, Gladio, Iggy... I did everything I could to make you stay. And [swallowing] ever since I've lived with one fear, a fear that you'd -- find out who I really was, and you wouldn't want me anymore.
[he squeezes his eyes shut and rubs at his eyes hard with the palm of his hand.]
...but it's even worse than that. So much worse.
[keeping his hand there, he takes another shaky breath and continues]
Imperial soldiers found me and took me into a place that I know now was a Magitek production facility. Verstael Besithia. He -- [an abrupt pause and change of direction.] Ardyn was there. Called it 'home sweet home.' [a humorless laugh as he shrinks some more onto himself] Had to walk through the entire place until I reached a lab. Climbed down the stairs, into a room with -- tubes, people inside, totally out of a horror video game.
[this is as much as he can go without thinking too much about it. his hands are trembling uncontrollably now, and his voice is shaking, as he forces himself to keep on.]
I -- shot Besithia. He looked out of his mind. He... said things, things... things like, I--
[he doesn't know if anything that he's said is making any sense at all, but he's clearly real fucking shaken by it. the words stick to his tongue and he can't make them come out. the real meat of the matter--what really frightens him. he's had to deal with it by himself for all these weeks, it's just so hard.]
I don't wanna say. [he chokes out, quietly]
no subject
No, it seems like more than that, something far more personal and his mind can't work to even supply a hint any longer.
He eases himself down, back against the adjacent wall with enough distance left between them to hopefully keep his friend comfortable. He can't remember ever having seen Prompto so rattled before and it tugs at his chest painfully, wanting to tell him that it's okay to keep lying if it'll ease this discomfort but they both know that's not the case.
It'll only get worse now that it's partly in the open.
He flinches when Prompto begins with a description of his actions on that train again, jaw locking but he doesn't interrupt in spite of the wave of guilt that might make him want to. The train, the trip into Niflheim... Then he says something that catches his attention, head lifting.
I've lived with one fear, a fear that you'd -- find out who I really was, and you wouldn't want me anymore. ]
Prompto-- [ He bites his tongue quieting again even if he shakes his head. ]
If you shot him then you did what you had to do. It's not the first time one of us has had to do something like that, okay? And whatever the rest is, just... Just tell me, okay? I know you don't want to, but I'm not going anywhere.
I promise... it's gonna' be alright.
(no subject)
1/2
2/2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXfHooTIReM
NO
how about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uiupfxPvZY
a million years later
at least it wasn't ten
that's all we can hope for
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